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Majestic. Fearless. Reflective.
The BALD EAGLE hat honors the most powerful bird in the follicle-free kingdom — a creature so bald it blinds its enemies with pure shine.
This isn’t your average patriotic cap. It’s a tribute to aerodynamic freedom, SPF loyalty, and unapologetic self-awareness.
Product Description:
Premium Goorin-style patch featuring an eagle with an unnaturally shiny scalp and a smug “yeah, I’m bald” stare.
Embroidered slogan: “Too Bald to Blend In.”
Beige and navy trucker design that perfectly matches your sunscreen routine.
Mesh back for optimal airflow — because bald heads deserve ventilation.
Wear it when:
You’re glistening in the sunlight like the national treasure you are.
You want to intimidate other birds (or men).
You simply believe baldness is freedom.
🧴 Land of the free. Dome of the brave.
BALD EAGLE — Too Bald to Blend In
$17.99 USD
The BALD EAGLE hat honors the most powerful bird in the follicle-free kingdom — a creature so bald it blinds its enemies with pure shine.
This isn’t your average patriotic cap. It’s a tribute to aerodynamic freedom, SPF loyalty, and unapologetic self-awareness.
Product Description:
Premium Goorin-style patch featuring an eagle with an unnaturally shiny scalp and a smug “yeah, I’m bald” stare.
Embroidered slogan: “Too Bald to Blend In.”
Beige and navy trucker design that perfectly matches your sunscreen routine.
Mesh back for optimal airflow — because bald heads deserve ventilation.
Wear it when:
You’re glistening in the sunlight like the national treasure you are.
You want to intimidate other birds (or men).
You simply believe baldness is freedom.
🧴 Land of the free. Dome of the brave.